Monday, December 2, 2013

Grand Rapids Veterans Home: The Home is Euthanizing My Husband, Helping Richard Ware.

To all who care about Veterans
At 2:00 this afternoon, Richard and I attended his care conference. This is done quarterly for all residents of the Grand Rapids Home for Veterans. On my way to the Home, I spoke on the phone with my husband and I asked him if he was ready for it. He told me he was scared as he didn't know what his guardian, Cynthia Thornbury, was going to do to him next. I don't know what kind of fortitude my husband has but every day, he lives in fear of reprisal and further deterioration of his self esteem and spirit by either this woman or the Home.

Ms. Thornbury hit a new low today as she was joined by other members of the care conference brigade. They had questions for my husband. Basically, they wanted to know what steps my husband wanted to take to prolong his existence. Do they insert an airway, a feeding tube? Do they do CPR? Do they call an ambulance? What were his wishes? They even asked if he would consent to having Hospice involved.

Neither one of us were prepared for these insane questions and Richard didn't have a clue on how to answer them. I know when I have to make those decisions, they will be made with my family around me. That wasn't the case today. They wanted an answer that minute.

Now, I need you to understand something here. In my husband's opinion, as well as mine, HE ISN'T DYING! At least, God willing, not any time soon. Nobody has said anything to him about this. Cynthia went on to inform my husband and I that he is in the final stage of the MS. WHAT STAGE? MS isn't like cancer where it has stages. It isn't that way at all. Cynthia has her BA is Sociology. She is NOT a doctor. There wasn't a doctor at the meeting. There were 3 nurses, one social worker and one nutritionist in attendance along with my husband and myself.

I was very impressed with the nutritionist. Richard has dropped down to 135 pounds. He is extremely thin and emaciated. She is going to start a special plan with Richard where he will be eating every two hours. I know this is going to help him a great deal. When I had him home for Thanksgiving, he ate two huge ham sandwiches two hours before eating a large plate filled with turkey, mashed potatoes, gravy, stuffing and whatever else he wanted. He topped that off with a very large piece of homemade pumpkin pie and Cool Whip. The man can eat.

On Thanksgiving, our youngest son went to pick up his dad to bring him home for the day. Michael signed him out which is something I usually do when I go and get him. There is always a small envelope filled with his medication for the day that comes with him. That wasn't the case last Thursday. Richard informed me that he wasn't given his meds that morning either. You won't believe their justification for this. Cynthia looked towards the nurse who had all the records and she reported that Richard hadn't asked for them. Cynthia scolded Richard for not being medically responsible. Why would Richard willingly ask for drugs that turn him into a zombie? He is forced to take behavior modification meds. that turn him into a walking rock. These drugs have a drastic impact on him and his ability to be a man, not to mention being human.

Shortly after I left Richard to head home, a man from Hospice came to talk to him. They just chatted about nothing for a short time. It was more like a get acquainted time. This man is suppose to return on Friday. Richard wants nothing to do with him and has asked me how to handle this. I gave him a few suggestions and I hope he does none of them. In reality, we have time to figure this out as a family.

Bottom line is this. Dr. Bruce Vermeer, a well known doctor in the Grand Rapids area wrote a letter a few years ago stating that Richard would thrive and do best in a structured health care facility. Well. he isn't thriving and according to his guardian, he is on death's door. In the past 3 years, Richard has had pneumonia and has been hospitalized 9 times. Definitely, NOT THRIVING. He recently got out of the hospital for a bad intestinal infection. That comes from poor nutrition and germs. Again, NOT THRIVING. What am I getting to is this; THE HOME IS KILLING MY HUSBAND.. How can I stop this?

 If you can help, please contact me at

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